// Guitarchic Dot Net* My Life, One Strum at a Time

One of the things my Mom “assigned” me to do following Daddy’s death was to write a short letter of thanks in behalf of our family to everyone who was/is there with us throughout this whole ordeal. Mom would always tell me that I’m the writer in the family, that I’m the best person to do it, or sometimes, in her desperate attempts to make me move, she would make bola and tell me that Daddy would have wanted me to do it more than anyone in the world. It has been my greatest challenge since.

It’s gonna be Dad’s first death anniversary on the 26th, and I still haven’t come up with anything. Mom has been so patient with me, even though I know that she’s starting to get frustrated about not being able to at least give a thank you card to everyone after all these months.

It’s just that.. everytime I try to sit down to work on it, I always end up staring at a blank sheet of paper, or a blank text file, and a few minutes later, I’d start tearing up again. I’ve ran out of excuses to explain to Mom why I still haven’t come up with what she’s asking for. I know I could easily just string together words of appreciation, layout them together with a photo of my Dad, print, and send. But it’s difficult, because no amount of words is enough to thank everyone who was part of my Dad’s life and ministry. *Sigh* I’m not just being lazy. I’ve been stalling, I know right, but only because the mere thought of working on THAT letter relieves the pain of our loss, and it’s as if I have to accept over again that Dad’s already gone.

I’m turning 25 in a few months, but I still haven’t stopped feeling like still being too young to lose a father. I guess I’ll never stop feeling like that. Dad’s early death may have forced me to grow up, but deep inside I will always be that little girl who’d give anything to twirl around her Daddy in circles again. Ugh, it’s just too frustrating sometimes. I mean, why do other twentyfiveyearolds get to share their lives with their Dads and I don’t? *More sighs* Okai, I stop whining now.

So yeah, March 26 is just around the corner, and I’m starting to have more and more thoughts about Daddy again. And I have no more excuse to set aside writing that thank you letter now. I owe it to my Mom. I know how important that is to her.

But mostly, I owe it to Daddy. Since he didn’t get to have that last chance to thank all those people who were part of his life, I want to do it for him with all my heart.

I think it might have been a bad idea to do this every Friday. LOL. I mean, that’s just stupid right. Friday nights are supposed to be “let’s be as far away from the computer as possible shall we” nights. And I chose it to be the day in the week where I’d require myself to post something. Anyway. I’m giving this project a couple more tries. Hehe.

I’ll make this quick today, because I’m sooo sleepy, and tomorrow is a looong day. This week’s Click Happy Friday is also the highlight of my week. :)

Meet Strawbie, my new toy that is a Red 3rd Generation Ipod Nano

I’ve been gushing about the Pink Ipod Nano for the longest time, I know right. But the moment I laid eyes on the real thing, I didn’t like it. Apparently, it’s not anything like the illustration projected at the online Apple store. So I immediately re-ordered this limited edition red nano from Benedict. I loooove limited editions! :) And yep, I already ordered it before, but I had to retract because the pink nano was launched.

Anyway, I should stop yakking because I don’t know what I’m saying anymore. So yeah. Happy Friday to me!

I know right. It’s only been a week since I declared my commitment *cough* to work on this Click Happy Friday category, and I already missed deadline by *glances at my desktop clock* almost two hours. Eep. :P But I do have an excuse. I mean, who wouldn’t trade a Friday night in front of the Mac with a Friday night with friends, and pizza, and ice cream, and caramel macchiato and roadtrip and endless, endless rants?

(I know, I know, I’m sorry. The Philippine politics is in chaos, there’s a big rally within 2 kilometers from where we were, and there was me with my friends, chillin’. I hide now.)

Anyway, here’s my click happy friday, albeit delayed by a few hours.

Good bye February, I’ll see you again soon.

Yesterday morning, as I was about to flip February’s page on my calendar, I suddenly thought of grabbing my camera to take some shots. After clicking here and there, I stared at the page, on to the dates, then on the empty boxes that I didn’t get to fill with appointments because I was too lazy (and busy) to even organize my schedule. And I sighed. Time does fly.

February has brought me lots of surprises (good and bad), disappointments and successes, consequences and rewards, and stress and joy in various forms and ways. At one point I struggled with wanting to stay young and careless and selfish — to live life and forget what other people think. Then I had to grow up overnight and learn to be accountable for other people’s work, face a whole new set of responsibilities, and walk through unchartered territories. February has given me my share of lessons on who to trust, how to ignore false judgments, when to move on, where to fix my eyes on, what to let go of and what to fight for. I was stuffed!

So yeah. I now leave February behind and face what the rest of the year holds, armed with a bunch of new weapons in the form of hard-earned lessons, a support group of trusted colleagues and friends, and a God whose bigger and beyond this world. Things are bound to get exciting, definitely. :)

P.S. Last day of the Internet Marketing Bootcamp tomorrow! See ya? :) Meanwhile, I have to catch some sleep.

Among the gazillions of memories that my Dad left us with, these two photos are probably the ones that will forever be etched in my head: the black-and-white photo from the last sermon he gave in church, and the color-ed one (with that eternal smile) from a medical-dental mission from way back.

For the past eleven months since Daddy’s death, I’ve gotten so used to seeing these two pictures around — on my Mom’s office wall, in our living room, on a mural in church — that I’d sometimes find myself automatically saying “Hi Daddy, how are you?” everytime I pass through them.

Then again, there are times, such as last Sunday (or NOW), when staring at his pictures would make me cry uncontrollably again. There are just no words to describe how much I miss Daddy. Sometimes it would feel as if the pain of his death is being relieved in my heart over again like it just happened.

I didn’t realize until earlier today that it’s been almost a year already since Dad left to be with the Lord. A lot of things has happened ever since, and there was not a time when I didn’t wonder how different things would have been if he was still around. How I would have made better decisions if I got to have a piece of his wisdom, or how it would have been happier to celebrate special days and victories with him, or how trials would have been easier to bear if I could talk to him, get a piece of his mind, or probably laugh my sorrows away with him.

I guess these are some of the things I will always remember about Daddy. He always had a way of staying calm even though he’s got a gunk of problems to think about. He had this ability to trust God wholly in spite of all the discouragements that this world is made of; and to smile even through trying times.

Smile though your heart is aching, Daddy would often sing — while taking a bath, or while driving, or once when I was so brokenhearted from breaking up with my first boyfriend. I guess he knew that these lines would never fail to bring the smile back on my face. Coincidentally, Daddy also sang portions of this song during his last sermon in church, unaware that it was going to be one of the last memories he’d be leaving us with forever.

The song’s been playing over and over in my head the past few days. It also happened to play on the stereo while Mom and I were in the car the other day, and as tears started falling down my cheeks, Mom sent reassuring smiles my way as if to say that it’s okay to cry.

The irony of this song is, the manner by which it tells you to NOT cry makes you cry EVEN MORE. Pfft.

But I needed it then. And I sure do need it now. Even though it’s making me CRY MORE than SMILE, I’m okay, because there’s something so refreshing about being able to cry things out, while holding on to the simple truth that in this cruel world, God will always give you reasons to smile. And what do you know, hearing Daddy’s faint voice from a distance as if he’s singing the song to me makes the thought even sweeter. His memories shall always live by.

So hey, I’m gona grab some Kleenex now and cry some more. :) Meanwhile, here’s the song — click to play — just in case you need to hear it too. (Lyrics after the jump.)

Smile, whats the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

Smile by Nat King Cole | Download

Read More »

So I’m little by little rekindling my time with Konks (my Nikon D40) and to learn *serious* photography; hence I’ve started posting again at my photoblog after four months of undeclared hiatus. Also, aside from my *ehem* renewed commitment to regularly update Click Happy, I’m also starting this new category on this blog, Click Happy Friday, where I’ll post one or two of my favorite shots (or something like that) every Friday.

That way, I can regularly update this blog too, at least once a week. Yep. Let’s see how far I’ll go haha. :)

This week, pink is the color of love <3

So there. This is the first bouquet of pink roses from teh boyfriend, delivered to me on Valentines Day. It’s the first, that’s right, because five days after V-day, another bouquet of roses was delivered in the office. Ergo, the whole week, I have a bouquet of lovely pink roses in the apartment, and another set of pretty hotpink ones here on my office desk.

Receiving flowers on V-days may be cliche, I know right. And one can say that you can always make everyday Valentines day anyway (boo, there goes one of my boyfriend’s cheesy pickup lines, lol). But IMO, it’s the essence of “tradition” that makes the flowers, the sickeningly sweet chocolates, and even the cutesy teddy bears, special.

A note to apathetic guys (and boyfriends) out there: girls, whether or not they try to deny their desire, or justify their non-desire to receive flowers on special occasions such as V-days or anniversaries, will still love to receive something — anything — that would make them feel that they are, at least, remembered or thought of on these special days. Right Ivy? Ohh I should know. I’ve gone through years of being a cynic when it comes to these things, only to realize that it’s actually kindof fun to be pursued, courted, and loved this way. (I guess teh boyfriend’s doing a good job, after all. Whew.)

Okay, I stop yakking like a highschool girl now because it’s no V-day anymore, heh, but before we say buhbye to the month of love, here’s my clickhappy moment for the week. :)