And I kind of like it. :) (Hey, it’s Valentines Day, I’m allowed to be keso. Heh.)
So I just finished another wedding album layout for Dave and Farrah, a couple from half-way across the world, whom I only know by name, and by the faces on their lovely wedding photos, which, for the past two weeks, have graced my laptop’s screen and Adobe Photoshop windows. It’s a lot of work, yes, but who wouldn’t enjoy doing something like this? :)
I’ve so far designed three albums — one for a couple named Sheila and Vince, another for a Sweet Sixteen-er named Sherrylou, and this latest album for Farrah and Dave. Now let me just say that.. one of the things I really love about this, compared to designing blog templates and websites, is that I don’t have to deal with coding and validating CSS and xhtml. I suck at those things! I really don’t have the patience to do codes and scripts the way Joni so gracefully does it. (Yeah, yeah. I’m a loser like that.)
But even more importantly, I love doing wedding album layouts because while I get to squeeze my creative juices and get paid on the side, I also get to be part of preserving these people’s most special, once-in-a-lifetime moments, albeit anonymously. I love it! :)
Apparently, aside from being surrounded by wedding photos, I’m also being surrounded by talks about marriage and wedding, and people getting married!
There’s always something to remind me of those dreams — of flying out of this country and starting my career off from scratch in a place where I can be anyone I want to be because no one knows me.
There’s the KC Concepcion documentary about her life in Paris. Or Ala Parades‘ chronicles on their new life in the land of the Oz. Or this girl (let’s leave her anonymous hehe) whose blog I always lurk on, who went to England to take graduate studies, and eventually work. Or movies like Devil Wears Prada (okay, I just had to say that one). And the constant talk among friends about Sydney, Singapore, and New York. My heart beats doubletime every time I think of flying away, anxious because I feel like there’s something I have to do to pursue those dreams and I’m not doing anything about it because I’m too scared.
I turn 25 this year, and the constant desire for a change in environment, for an adventure, for something new, is just something I couldn’t deny even to myself. Sometimes I wonder if I just need a break, but I feel that I need more than just that. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job. I love what I do. And God knows how thankful I am to be where I am at this point in my life.
It’s just that lately, my prayers involve a lot of, “please make me desire going out of this country less if this is not Your will for me” or “please make me bloom, regardless if I stay in this country or not.” You get what I’m saying?
Oh whoosh. I’m monologuing again. :) I guess all I’m trying to say is..
Watch me fly. Soon. Literally or figuratively, we’ll see. :)
Today, I took a break and had coffee without sugar. I’ve never had coffee without sugar in my life, until now. And let me just say that I hate it. I hate how it tastes — its bitterness leaving this annoying after-taste in my tongue that I could not get rid off even after gulping mug-fulls of water.
But I drank it still, taking it all in because I thought it was about time to learn to like what’s unlike-able. I had to know how far I’d go without sugar — how I’d live without depending too much on the sugary taste that I’ve gotten so used to.
You see, life is like that. It’s not all sugar and spice and everything nice. Once in a while, you have to learn to live with the bitterness and the un-wanted things that come with life (also, to accept things you can’t change, and not attempt to change things you can’t accept).
I’d like to preserve a memory in this post. Something that will keep thugging at my heart for sure, but one which I’m determined to accept, to leave behind, and eventually, forget, by God’s grace.
After all, I know that a few more mugs of water will wash the bitterness away.
A little less than 2 days left before the year ends, would you look at that. In a few hours, together with my extended family, I shall say good bye to 2007. “Will you be in church on Sunday?,” Jovan, a friend, asked me the other day. I answered, “Of course. I want to be there when SBC bids 2007 goodbye.” :)
Year 2007, what can I say. 2007 brought me victories and accomplishments I never thought were possible at this point in my life. There were new (and overwhelming) opportunities, responsibilities, and commitments that were beyond my expectations. Of course there were heartbreaks, sacrifices, and losses as well — which brought about one leap of faith after another, spiritual highs and lows, and answered prayers.
And then there was love — an overflow of it in various forms and ways.
It’s a beautiful year, indeed. And by beautiful, I mean a lot of things — things I may not be able to give justice to because even if I try confining them into words, I would only end up robbing them off their true beauty.
Now just so I have some sort of a format, I’m doing an old blog meme I did two years ago, which I’m modifying now to capture the real highlights of the year that (soon-to-be) was. Here are some of my best posts for year 2007, grouped by month, with copy-pasted excerpts (because I’m too lazy to make summaries hehe). Join me as I wrap the year up. :)
Mine was fast, I almost didn’t notice it. (I mean, I only noticed it now that I’m back in the office like a zombie after the pseudo Christmas break — I swear, I go like, “man that was fast” every now and then). It was different, to say the least, as it was our first Christmas without Dad. Like I said before, there will always be that empty seat, and I will always miss my Dad especially in occasions such as this. There’s a combination of sadness and joy remembering last Christmas, yes, but I’m thankful because I feel as if there’s some sort of a force-field around me this Christmas season, protecting me from any depressive attacks due to excessively missing my Dad, thus making this Christmas tear-less for me. God is good.
Anyway. I know it’s three days too late to be making yet again another Christmas list, but whatdaheck, Christmas happens only once, you can never have enough lists. So even though Christmas has come and gone already, here’s an addition to my beyond-budget Christmas wishlist (which I probably won’t be able to get myself UNTIL next Christmas, haha). Not that I’m complaining, really. I’m happy enough completing my shopping list, and giving away gifts for everyone. There’s much greater joy in that. :)
But of course, beyond the material things, one needs to have wishes that are.. intangible.
So this Christmas, I wish..
..to have a sense of direction, to decipher the road signs being sent my way and take the right turns and course of action without wasting time;
..to have the courage to do what should be done — to get out of my comfort zone if need be, or to have the patience to stay if it’s not yet time to go;
..to have peace of mind even in times when I can’t see what’s at the end of the road;
..to be more trusting and less pessimistic, to talk less and listen more, to plan less and act more;
..to have more time doing the things I love, at my own pace, at my own time.
..to be mindful of the more important things in this life — investments, relationships, family, the people I love, God;
..to be able to support more missionaries, holistic ministries and outreaches, both financially and in prayers;
..to have a fruitful coming year, after all I’ll be turning 25;
..to spend more time with my family.
..to go places.
..with you.
I’m talking in riddles again, I know. But, well, these are my heart’s desires. I pray God desires these for me too. ;)
As an end to this post, here’s a song that I always love playing even when it’s not December (composed by Kuya Reeve, a dear friend, and sung by Sheila Juan, one of my girlfriends from college), which I post now because December’s almost over, and I don’t want to wait another 12 months before I could have a chance to share it with you guys. Hehe.
Now if I would dedicate this song to anyone, I’d dedicate it to you (yes, Bud, you), because you know there’s no other person I’d love to wake up next to in the next Christmasses to come; and to everyone else whose hearts are full of hope, ehem. I wish you find joy and love this Christmas in the simplest of things. :) Enjoy the rest of the holidays, everyone! :)
Once upon a time, there was me, waiting for "happily ever after" to happen. Hi, I'm Riz. This is my life, mush and all. Don't say you weren't warned. ;)
