// Guitarchic Dot Net* My Life, One Strum at a Time

Remember that “Dream Job” I once blogged about? That Yahoo Philippines Online Community Manager job opening which, for a while there, I thought I’d like to consider? (No, I didn’t even dare apply, though). Well, the thing with that job is, it required a lot of online and offline socializing and traveling and talking to people — some of the things that appealed so much to me.

Fastforward to now, Day 5 of the Internet Marketing Bootcamp is happening here at our USAP office in Pasig as I type this. I just finished my talk on Search Engine Optimization, and Rico Sta. Cruz is now discussing basic design principles. And I. Am. Not. Listening. Haha. I’ve heard Rico’s talk about 5 times already anyway (hehe), and quite honestly, his has been one of my favorites – ahhh, the frustrated designer that I am. ;)

Anyway, as I browse through my feed reader while Rico talks up front, I find myself reading the recent developments in Yahoo, following the news about their laying-off of hundreds (thousands?) of employees. Apparently, Yahoo’s lay-off included a bunch of VPs, and just recently, Jessica Bowman, who was Yahoo’s SEM Manager — which really came as a shock to me and probably to the rest of the Search world too. I’ve always been an avid lurker of her blog, and she’s been one of the few female SEO gurus I’ve always admired.

So I go back to that job opening that I sooo excitedly blogged about a few months ago, and realized that whoever got that job has probably been laid-off by now too. :P

Anyway, I know I wouldn’t stand a chance then, even if I tried. What really struck me now is how much I’ve dreamed of a lot of things — of getting out of this country and finding my place in (or out of) this industry — when all the while, I’m already right where I should be. I guess it just took me a while to weigh my options, identify the pros and cons, and realize that there’s still more to this place that’s worth the squeeze.

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Just to let you in on what’s happening in this wonderful, wonderful life of mine (it IS wonderful, mind you), I’m currently threading another crossroad — one I never thought I’d find myself in at this point in my life.

..and I’m excited and scared and restless. As if I’ve never been more sure and more uncertain at the same time. Seth Godin hit the nail hard in the head when he said, “if it doesn’t cost your life, it isn’t a quest.”

I’m thinking it through, weighing things down, waiting for the right signals. But one thing for sure — I’m turning 25 this year, and a quest is just what I need.

Today, I took a break and had coffee without sugar. I’ve never had coffee without sugar in my life, until now. And let me just say that I hate it. I hate how it tastes — its bitterness leaving this annoying after-taste in my tongue that I could not get rid off even after gulping mug-fulls of water.

But I drank it still, taking it all in because I thought it was about time to learn to like what’s unlike-able. I had to know how far I’d go without sugar — how I’d live without depending too much on the sugary taste that I’ve gotten so used to.

You see, life is like that. It’s not all sugar and spice and everything nice. Once in a while, you have to learn to live with the bitterness and the un-wanted things that come with life (also, to accept things you can’t change, and not attempt to change things you can’t accept).

I’d like to preserve a memory in this post. Something that will keep thugging at my heart for sure, but one which I’m determined to accept, to leave behind, and eventually, forget, by God’s grace.

After all, I know that a few more mugs of water will wash the bitterness away.

A little less than 2 days left before the year ends, would you look at that. In a few hours, together with my extended family, I shall say good bye to 2007. “Will you be in church on Sunday?,” Jovan, a friend, asked me the other day. I answered, “Of course. I want to be there when SBC bids 2007 goodbye.” :)

Year 2007, what can I say. 2007 brought me victories and accomplishments I never thought were possible at this point in my life. There were new (and overwhelming) opportunities, responsibilities, and commitments that were beyond my expectations. Of course there were heartbreaks, sacrifices, and losses as well — which brought about one leap of faith after another, spiritual highs and lows, and answered prayers.

And then there was love — an overflow of it in various forms and ways.

It’s a beautiful year, indeed. And by beautiful, I mean a lot of things — things I may not be able to give justice to because even if I try confining them into words, I would only end up robbing them off their true beauty.

Now just so I have some sort of a format, I’m doing an old blog meme I did two years ago, which I’m modifying now to capture the real highlights of the year that (soon-to-be) was. Here are some of my best posts for year 2007, grouped by month, with copy-pasted excerpts (because I’m too lazy to make summaries hehe). Join me as I wrap the year up. :)

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I can’t believe I’m listing resolutions three weeks too early (or 11 months too late, however you’d want to look at it). It’s just that.. I’m kind of hating myself right now. And I have to stop for a while, reflect, take things down, and refocus, before I start hurting more people around me. If you know what I’m talking about.

Coz you see, during the course of trying so hard to be responsible and trying to protect the people I love, I start to lose myself. And I realize that if I continue being so, I’d eventually lose everything I hold dear to my heart.

And let me just say that it’s tragic, reading pages and pages of blogs and journal entries bearing the same thoughts — the same resolutions — through the years. You thought you were still young at 23, that you’ve become more matured a year after, but actually, you’ve been whining about the same things then and now. It’s as if you’ve never really learned.

I need to grow up, and fast. Hence, this list of year-end resolutions. I know a list is not going to change anything, but here’s to remind myself, with everyone as my witness, that some major overhaul is going to happen in this life of mine. And unlike the elaborate ones I’ve written before, I’ll make this straight and simple this time.

Think positive things. No more “what if“s from here on. Check.

Be more trusting, especially to those people who trust me. Check.

Forget the past. What happened before does not necessarily mean it’s gonna happen now, or anytime in this lifetime. Check.

Stop worrying. Check.

Be still, and let Him be God. Check. Check.

Sigh.

Right now, I’m a lot of things I don’t want to become. I hurt people unconsciously. I’m insensitive. I’m obsessive-compulsive, but I’m OC at unimportant things. I’m workaholic when I’m not supposed to, and I waste away time when I should be working.

But all of these will change, I promise.

To you, most especially.

Watch me.