This Year, I’m Going to Wear my Heart on my Sleeve
I love reading heartful blogs. Those that, not just give you updates and maybe sell you stuff, but cut deep into your heart and actually make you feel something.
Like Msbeng’s thoughts-out-loud. I once admitted to her that I lurk in her blog to read her devotions everytime I fail to do mine. *ack*
And Aileen’s travels, most specially her journals about New York — they make me feel like being transported back to that place, as if I’m experiencing her journey myself.
I think Meemae is a better version of Last Leaf — more spunk, more guts, more heart. And if only Kuya Aleks blogged more, I’d be one avid and happy lurker.
I don’t know about these people but I seem to be having a hard time writing from the heart these days, “from the heart” being the operative phrase. My drafts folder has become a daily dump of frustrations. It’s often easy to start something off, but difficult to finish it.
I still can’t believe sometimes that I’m the same person who would blog her heart out there, unabashed. And not just blog! I’d fight and love and wear my heart on my sleeve and express myself like crazy, and I didn’t mind if people watched me.
So maybe those emo-days are over, and maybe life is less of a melodrama, but the funny thing is, I’m actually missing that younger version of me. Will I ever be like her again?
* * *
On another note, you know how it’s like in the movies when one encounters a near-death experience and life suddenly flashes before his eyes? In real life, those are much likely to happen not in your dying moments, but in times when you feel most alive. Or when you’re going through something you don’t get to go through everyday. Or when you’re in transit.
I remember the few times it happened to me.
I was on my flight to Los Angeles from New York, ending my 6-day NYC adventure. There aboard the plane, belted to my seat looking out to the window, a montage of images — of Broadway, Central Park, the subway, Staten Island ferry, South Street Sea Port, Times Square, Serendipity Cafe, Brooklyn bridge, and other places in New York I was fortunate enough to experience — reeled in slow motion in my head. It was as if my mind’s way of relishing the events one last time, boxing them up to make room for new ones.
And then it happened on the trip back home from Sydney. (But I won’t bore you with the details now because it’s a longer list. Heh.)
So it happened to me again just recently, with flashbacks that included almost three years worth of corporate drama. Has it been a month already since? (And yes, there’s a longer blog post about this somewhere in my drafts, boo.)
I didn’t think I’d ever have the courage to leave behind a comfort zone in exchange for something new and unsure, but yay I actually did it. And now, the excitement (and uncertainty) is killing me.
But hey, it’s time to chase dreams. And this time, I’m gonna let my heart lead the way. ♥
*image from Michelle Bower
daphne said,
April 7, 2009 @ 10:06 pm
hi riz, this is an interesting post as i myself have decided to go back to blogging again after a very long hiatus. yeah, you may say i have started wearing my heart on my sleeve again–ergo, the new blog which should host a number of unadulterated stuff i want to write about. let’s just keep writing ‘em down ;)
mae said,
April 8, 2009 @ 12:09 am
yay riz thanks for the special mention :P bago lang kaya ganun hahaha I think yours and Joni’s writing has more “heart” and you guys make me emotional sometimes :(
I suddenly felt that last leaf is so cold lol oh well, probably the very reason why I switched domains :)
riz said,
April 8, 2009 @ 7:17 pm
And where is this blog?? LINK!!! :)
riz said,
April 8, 2009 @ 7:18 pm
Hay meemae, I wish I could do the same thing. Hehe i dont want to be guitarchic anymore. LOL.
ApplesH said,
April 11, 2009 @ 8:36 am
Riz – Im a regular reader of all your blogs (lurker of your sites) and I came across your post on “Last Day with Daddy” at your multiply site. I am now holding back tears as I can only now relate to the emotions that you were going through at that time even if my experience is not quite the same as yours. Your post gave me strength and I wish that soon, I will be able to write something as raw and show it to my father while he is still with us. Keep up your great work. At least right now I know how you feel. You do not have to be emo to write great things. All it takes is to just be real. Thanks for the inspiration.
bijoiski said,
April 11, 2009 @ 8:23 pm
Its healthy to look back and see how far God brought us, from the dramas and bloppers of life. Take it from the great Done, ” there is no other way but up. ” BWAHAHAHA. ATTTTTTTTTTTTTTT baket hindi ako naka link dito? haha.
riz said,
April 16, 2009 @ 1:52 am
LOL kasi nde ko masyado ka-close ung mga ni-link ko? heller. baklang to!! :P
Also, AMEN TO DONE. :))
riz said,
April 18, 2009 @ 3:17 am
Hey.. your comment got filtered out by akismet, for some reason, I just saw this one now. :) It’s always glad to know when someone can relate. Whatever you’re going through, I’m glad to have inspired you in small doses. Thanks po. :)
ganns said,
June 26, 2009 @ 9:03 am
Wherever your heart leads you, Riz. :)
// Quarter Life Monologues » Detaching myself from Guitarchic said,
June 27, 2009 @ 10:23 pm
[...] as for the girl who vowed to wear her heart on her sleeve, she’s found a new place to fill with her icky thoughts now. And, if you know me, the new URL [...]