Missing Dad on Fathers’ Day
I dreaded Fathers’ Day to come. I was scared to find out how I was going to feel being father-less in an occasion such as this for the first time. So let me tell you how my celebration of Fathers Day went.
In church, I’ve always been the designated person to do audio-visual presentations, so by default, I was tasked to make one for Fathers’ Day (which was shown in church yesterday). I hesitated at first, jokingly said “why would I? I don’t have a Dad!“, but decided to do it because I know that that’s what Daddy would have wanted me to do. Besides, SBC dads have always been like second fathers to me. It was a privilege doing something to honor them.
For obvious reasons, I cried doing the AVP Saturday night. And while it was being shown during the worship service, I cried watching it even though I’ve seen it over a dozen times already. I cried thinking about Dad, and how incomplete the occasion was without him. I cried thinking about how different things would have been if he was still around — he would have given me a big hug after the AVP was shown, told me something like, “Gawa mo ba yun, nak? Ang galing talaga ng anak ko! Kanino ka ba nagmana?” (even though the AVP was nothing spectacular). I cried seeing some of his pictures being flashed on the screen, and having people come up to me to tell me how great a person and a father Daddy was. I cried while Pastor Lito was praying for them fathers, thinking that it would have been Daddy doing that special fathers’ day prayer. I cried playing the keyboard up front, and seeing the monobloc chair where Daddy always sat, empty since he died, as if no one wants to occupy it because of an unspoken agreement that the seat was supposedly Dad’s.
As the worship service came to a close, I hugged my Mom and my brother, and while we jokingly greeted each other, “Happy Father-less Day to us”, we know, and we need not say it, that we have a lot of reasons to celebrate Fathers’ Day. Specifically this reason: God has blessed us with a great Daddy, and even though he’s now gone, we still have The Great Father in heaven, the same one who’s keeping the whole universe together, who holds our lives in His hands. For us, that’s more than enough.
As I said, I’ve learned that crying does not change the situation, but simply a release so that one has more room to fill with strength to cope, and to move on — at least that’s how it has worked for me. Come to think of it, no occasion will ever be the same again. There will always be that empty seat in Christmasses, and birthdays, and anniversaries, to come. As Miss Noemi always puts it, I’m entering my “new normal”. This is how it’s always gonna be from now on, and I need not be sad about it. We will always miss Dad, but there will always be that unexplainable joy that comes with knowing that even though he’s not here with us anymore, his memory lives on whatever happens and wherever we go.
I told my Dad I want this song, Butterfly Kisses, played on my wedding day (fine, if there’d be any, that is). We even practiced dancing to this one already, one Saturday afternoon in his church office, only we ended up banging our heads ala Beatles’ style, dancing variations of cha-cha (my Dad sucks at dancing hehe), and laughing throughout the music. *sigh* I miss him.
But at least I can always play this song and be remembered of that afternoon. :) And at least I can always close my eyes, think of that dream wedding, and picture Daddy there, dancing with me for the last time before he gives me away.
Happy Fathers’ Day, Daddy. I am who I am now because of how you and Mom raised us up and how you lived your lives. I love you and I thank God for you.
And to all the fathers out there, Happy Fathers Day! And to all the daughters, and Daddy’s little girls out there, this song, that my Dad and I would have danced together with on my wedding night, is for you. Listen away. :)
Audio: Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle. Lyrics after the jump.
Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle
There’s two things I know for sure:
She was sent here from heaven
and she’s daddy’s little girl.
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes
and I thank God for all the joy in my life
Oh, but most of all
For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer
sticking little white flowers all up in her hair
“Walk beside the pony, Daddy, it’s my first ride.”
“I know the cake looks funny, Daddy, but I sure tried.”
In all that I’ve done wrong I must have done something right
to deserve a hug every morning and butterfly kisses at night.Sweet 16 today
She’s looking like her mama a little more everyday
One part woman, the other part girl
To perfume and make-up from ribbons and curls
Trying her wings out in a great big world
But I remember
Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer
sticking little white flowers all up in her hair
“You know how much I love you, Daddy,
But if you don’t mind
I’m only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time.”
With all that I’ve done wrong I must have done something right
to deserve her love every morning
and butterfly kisses at night.All the precious time
Like the wind, the years go by
Precious butterfly
Spread your wings and fly.She’ll change her name today
She’ll make a promise and I’ll give her away
Standing in the bride-room just staring at her
She asked me what I’m thinking and I said “I’m not sure
I just feel like I’m losing my baby girl.”
She leaned over… gave me butterfly kisses with her mama there
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair
“Walk my down the aisle, Daddy-it’s just about time.”
“Does my wedding gown look pretty, Daddy? Daddy, don’t cry!”Oh, with all that I’ve done wrong I must have done something right.
To deserve your love every morning and butterfly kisses
I couldn’t ask God for more, man this is what love is.I know I gotta let her go, but I’ll always remember
every hug in the morning and butterfly kisses.
Ah, that song makes me cry! What’s sad for me this Father’s Day is that our family is in half — my mom and dad are in Saipan while my brother and I are home. I am a daddy’s girl: whenever my mom and I would get into an argument, he’d always be the one to make peace; when I was young and sick, he was the one who fetched me from school and now that I’m working, he’s my ultimate idol because I know I wouldn’t be where I am if it wasn’t for him. Somehow, just to know he’s there is enough reason to believe that everything’s gonna be okay. :)
Hay, thank God for fathers. :)
Fathers really have a big impact in our lives no? I guess that’s why I said it is through how they lived their lives that we get to define who are, such that an irresponsible father ends up with a rebellious daughter, or a strict dad ends up with a prim-and-proper daughter (or a rebellious daughter). Or a happy-go-lucky but rich dad ends up with a fun-loving daughter (or a rebellious daughter). LOL.
Seriously though, I guess it’s safe to say that we are a reflection of our parents lives. That’s why I’m glad I was blessed to be born in this family. :)
Anubiiiii… :’(
Ganda ng song. Let’s make sure it’s played on your wedding day (duh, of course that day will come! ;) ) *hugz*
Wah Joni, haha, I dont think I can ever go through my wedding without smearing my make up if this song is played, so no, pass na ko dyan. Haha. :)
Haaay :) Haaay :(
LOL anu ba naconfuse na e haha
anubaa by that time naman siguro meron ng water proof na make up (wala pa ba? hehe)
Waaaahh umiiyak nanaman ako. *deep beathing *more hugs for you riz. Cge sa wedding mo didikitan nalang natin si kuya nate ng malaking picture ng dad mo sa mukha. I know it wont be the same but might work. :) *bug hug pare.
Hahahahaha classic!! Dabest ka dude, natawa ako dun pramis. I dont think that will work haha. Ayokong magkaron ng circus sa wedding ko noh!! Hahaha. Pero for what its worth, dudeparetsong, napatawa mo ko ng malakas dun. Tenks. :)
Hi riz,yesterday, as I was going through my phonebook to forward my father’s day message sa mga dad, nakita ko name ni tito bob. At bigla akong naiyak, naisip rin kita and prayed for u that He will give you enough grace for the celebration.:)
Love u riz. *hugs*
(Happy Father’s day tito bob! In case may DSL/Broadband diyan sa heaven!)
Aww ate jam. I remmber those times! Minsan nga nauunahan mo pa kong i-greet si Daddy. Hehe. “Naghappy fathers day sa ken si jam a,” he would say. And I was like, “Talaga? Ay, happy fathers day nga pala daddy. ehhe.” Tapos isang mahigpit na yakap lang tas he would let me get away with it already. :D
(Hindi lang DSL meron sa heaven. I’m thinking it’s much more hi-tech than that. Hehe.)
I can feel your pain as I read this. I miss my dad so much during these times. *hugs*
Glad to know I’m not alone. Thanks po. :)
hi there. as for me im getting mixed feelings in anticipation for the day when my very own daughter gets married :) haha!
AS AN ASIDE: so sya pala kumanta. i always thought it was michael bolton who sang this song. :)
Don’t worry, matagal pa yun. ;) Enjoy her while you still can. Spend as much time with her as possible. :)
ASIDE: Kala ko nga si Gary V eh. Haha. Funny, the singer’s got the same name as my dad. :)
Good job! I want you to know that I also lost my dad several years ago. For years I’ve experienced how to celebrate Father’s Day without my father. And here comes the most exciting part. I’m getting married this month. Who will walk me to the altar? None…because dad’s no longer with us.
kalungkot naman… thats life ika nga… nakunsensya tuloy ako kasi di ko nagreet dad ko… teka tawagan ko nga…. :(
Greet him while you still can ;)
aawwww.. I love that song! pag nagpakasal ako (kung magpapakasal man LOL) ganyan gusto kong kanta… I have always been curious ano itsura ng mga tatay pag kinasal na ang anak nila eh heh
Haha Mae. You’ll know in a few years. :)
this is the ultimate dad-daughter song. :) I remembered how i cried nung sinayaw nila tito boyet and fresh to nung debut nya. This song makes me cry always. maybe because i didn’t have this kind of relationship with my own dad. but i still love him just the same. That’s why one of the greatest blessings I have in this lifetime is Tito Bob. To have felt his love and concern as a dad that I wasn’t able to experience. I’ve been missing him everyday too. :(
On your wedding day, when this song is played, we — your family and your future husband will be by your side tas we’ll hug you very very very tight. Then, you’ll dance to it with your mom and your bros (parang 18 roses lang :p). kahit mag-iyakan, keber ang mek-ap. :p
That’s nice, ate. Pero haha, di ko ata kakayanin yun! Baka hindi lang ako umiyak, atakihin pa ko.
Daddy treated you like a daughter too. :) Sayang hindi nya naabutan yung mga baby Peanuts. Hehe.
Haay.
Celebrating father’s day alone sure is a sad thing. Pero dont be sad, i’m sure you’re father is somewhere safe and I’m sure he is happy that you remembered him on Father’s Day.
Ever read “One More Day” by Mitch Albom? It’s a great read, and I bet you’re going to relate to it. ^_^
Happy blogging!
I haven’t yet. Okay ba siya? Hehe. Sige, if I get time siguro.
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hay, onga. i remembered that conversation na gusto na nya magka-apo, hehe. miss those times. :( di bale, si lola ma and tita riz nalang kukulitin nila. hehehe :p
The first year is always the hardest Riz. It will get better but of course our dads will ALWAYS be with us no matter the years that have gone.
I’ll take your word for that Miss Cathy. :) Thanks.
haaay ayokong puntahan blog mo eh, dahil alam kong may post na ganito :p i dreamt of tito bob a few days ago. nasa sbc, wearing a black polo shirt. he was seated beside tita norma. nakangiti lang siya. yun lang, no situation, no one else i remembered but the two of them.
alam mo riz minsan ineexpect ko pa rin talagang paglingon ko sa empty seat beside me (remember i always used to sit beside tito bob during service)…ineexpect kong makikita ko pa rin si tito bob nakaupo don :( tas i dunno if it’s screwed, pero minsan parang naririnig ko pa rin yung ubo niya or yung tawa niya during worship service. i miss him too :)
[…] It was different, to say the least, as it was our first Christmas without Dad. Like I said before, there will always be that empty seat, and I will always miss my Dad especially in occasions such as this. There’s a combination of […]
[…] Missing Daddy on Father’s Day. As I said, I’ve learned that crying does not change the situation, but simply a release so that one has more room to fill with strength to cope, and to move on — at least that’s how it has worked for me. Come to think of it, no occasion will ever be the same again. There will always be that empty seat in Christmasses, and birthdays, and anniversaries, to come. As Miss Noemi always puts it, I’m entering my “new normal”. This is how it’s always gonna be from now on, and I need not be sad about it. We will always miss Dad, but there will always be that unexplainable joy that comes with knowing that even though he’s not here with us anymore, his memory lives on whatever happens and wherever we go. […]
hi!
i was searching for father’s day ideas and i’ve come across with your blog..a year after you wrote this. i was touched by your story..really. parang suddenly i felt wat you feel at that moment (though Papa is still alive). i even cried with the song :( i heared it so many times pero parang ngyon ko lng nainternalize ung message nya. good song..ma-play nga rin on my wedding..hehe ;p anyways, makiki-Father’s Day na rin ako to your day :)
GOD bless you always :)
[…] Day has passed again. I didn’t anticipate that I would be sentimental about it, but just like last year, there was this inevitable longing to have someone to hug and say, “Happy Father’s Day, […]