I’m a Writer, Really
At this point, I’m left without a choice but to accept that I am a writer. Coz sometimes, I wonder.. if I’m not a writer, then what else am I? If I’m not gona write, what else am I to do? If I can’t be good at writing, where else could I be good at?
It actually takes a lot of courage to admit these things to myself (which I have to do every single day by the way), much more to disclose these thoughts to an audience that includes professional writers and bloggers around the world who are brilliant at what they do.
I am what most people would call a jack of all trades, master of none. In wikipedia, this means
A person who is passably competent with many skills but is not outstandingly brilliant with any one particular skill.
Let me explain further.
Back then, it was Web Design that I was seriously pursuing, and I’d spend hours and hours self-studying my way around it, making myself familiar with Adobe Photoshop, Frontpage (jurassic era) and MX Dreamweaver. My pursuit, however, only allowed me to go as far as creating cute blog layouts for my own pleasure and enjoyment, and for friends and online contacts who, perhaps, were just supportive rather than impressed with my work, hehe. I design, by not really.
I’d want to be a guitarist too, but my rockstardom didn’t reach farther than the four corners of my room. I play mostly piano, which I do in church, and once in a while, with friends. Playing these two instruments is an art I haven’t mastered yet. Often, I find myself wishing that I’m better at them. Oh, and I sing too, and I could pick up a mic and sing along with a videoke just right, or blend in anytime with our church’s praise and worship team, but my vocal aesthetics is not enough to take me places. I’m a musician, but not really.
Now, I dream of pursuing serious photography. I started a photoblog, and have seriously thought of investing on a DSLR, with the hopes that maybe, just maybe, I could excel in this particular field and be confident about it. But, as expected of me, I still haven’t made the essential steps to pursue this because more than the financial investment I have to consider, I still fear that just like web design and music, I would probably just end up wallowing in mediocrity and wasting my money. Such pessimism I have, yeah, thanks. Hehe. I’m a photographer wannabe, but not really.
And then there’s writing. And blogging. (Which they say are two different things.)
I’ve been blogging for about six years already; took a course that required a lot of research and technical writing; started out my career as a web copywriter (slash SEO), and later on, was given the privilege of supervising and training a team of writers, while accepting writing gigs on the side. In short, I have (unconsciously) built up two years of experience around a field that requires me to write a lot.
Sometimes I wonder why after all these years of writing, I still have to convince myself that I am a writer. Writing is not like something I tried to pursue, I just found myself doing it. I took Communication Research in college just because I wanted to avoid Math and Science, not because I wanted to write (only to find out later on that this course involves a lot of statistics too, gaah, but that’s another story). And unlike web design which I had to work out on, I didn’t spend hours consciously harnessing my writing skills. And unlike playing the guitar and piano on which my parents made me take lessons for, I didn’t take any particular subject or training that contributed to my writing now.
Writing for me sort of just happened. And I didn’t really think I excel at it, it’s just something I had to do.
Because it pays the bills. Because if I don’t write, I can’t seem to imagine myself doing anything else. Because I love doing it (even though at times it doesn’t love me back). And because sometimes, I hate doing it too (even during those times I have no choice but to do it).
The existence of this love-hate relationship with writing makes me convinced that I am a writer. I must be one. I mean, aren’t all writers love writing and hate it too at one point or another? :P
Now, I have more reasons to accept reality and believe that I’d most likely spend my entire life doing this. But let me tell you more about that another time.
P.S. This post is three days in the making (some writer I am hehe). And I’m not yet done, but I have to stop. The story never ends.
Joni said,
June 10, 2007 @ 5:08 pm
Shucks nakarelate nmn ako dito! I also consider myself as “Jack of all trades, master of none”. Until now, I don’t know what I really am or what I really wanna be. I’m hardly a web designer (hay nako nasisiraan na nga ko ng bait sa bwisit na css na yan!), I’m not really an SEO/SEM (duh! obvious nmn ^^), and I’m definitely not a musician or a writer. Ordinaryo, walang kwenta. haha.
Pero ikaw magaling ka! Dati pa idol na kita! I’m not saying this because I’m your (super sweet) friend — LOL — I’m saying it because it’s true. If you’re called to be a writer then good for you! Perfect ka jan! Naalala mo ang famous line sa KC nun? Yung: When God calls you to a specific task, you become the best person for it. Or something like that, ano nga ba yun? haha. KC, anubeh.
Miss you rhizagurl, kelan tayo magkakape? I badly need it, friend! (I mean, I need to talk, I really don’t need the coffee, haha) mwahness :-*
Jeric said,
June 11, 2007 @ 12:01 am
I feel this way too!
liz said,
June 11, 2007 @ 8:14 am
ay siya samahan tayo ng jack of all trades…i finished a degree in system analysis /programming pero naging designer ako ahaha at nags-seo din, may problogging pa pero ang gusto ko talagang course noon creative writing –haha anuba…
daphne said,
June 11, 2007 @ 9:45 am
hi riz! this is a nice post, i must say :) you remember the time i was with a magazine? (i dunno what happened with it now because i got a fulltime job even before everything materialized.) i approached you and asked if you’d be interested to write feature articles with us. i remember i told you that i asked because i liked your writing.
will it help if i say na writer ka nga talaga? i hope it will :)
jani said,
June 11, 2007 @ 10:47 am
sé exactamente como usted siente.
jani said,
June 11, 2007 @ 11:27 am
sé como usted siente
Cathy said,
June 11, 2007 @ 4:50 pm
You’re on the right track Riz. Just keep on with what makes your heart “sing”. Eventually, you will find what God really wants you to do. It took me 42 years to finally realize that writing is the air that I live and breathe in :)
By the way, thanks for stopping by my grief blog. And yes, will take you up on your offer when we have a Migi’s Corner activity. I also wanted to ask if you design blog headers? Email me na lang okay? Thanks and have a blessed week ahead!
riz said,
June 11, 2007 @ 8:30 pm
Hehe. I knew you’d say something like this, girlfriend. Actually, while I was writing this, I was thinking I’m writing it for the both of us. Hahaha. :) As for you, girl, you better accept already that you are a webdesigner. What are you doing with Lisa and Beccary on ewebescapes if you’re not one?? HA??! :)
And thanks for reminding me that “famous KC line”! Haha. Anu be. :)
Tara kape!! Bukas na!! :)
riz said,
June 11, 2007 @ 8:31 pm
What can i say? Glad to know I’m not alone. :)
riz said,
June 11, 2007 @ 8:32 pm
Jack of all trades club? Tara. Let’s make this official. Haha. :)
riz said,
June 11, 2007 @ 8:34 pm
Ate Daph! Hey! It’s been a while. :) And wow, thanks. Coming from you, that must mean something. Haha. Thanks for the vote of confidence. And by the way, I miss you! :)
riz said,
June 11, 2007 @ 8:42 pm
Yeah right John, which online translator did you use for this one? Haha. :)
Grazias. Estoy alegre saber que no estoy solo.
(Ok, whatev, I’m not sure if that turned out right haha.)
riz said,
June 11, 2007 @ 8:43 pm
At nagpractice pa. :P
riz said,
June 11, 2007 @ 8:53 pm
Thanks Miss Cathy, it’s always easier to do what one should do when she knows it’s God who’s brought her there huh. :)
Wow! Yay! Can’t wait for the next Migi’s corner activity, seriously. Miss Noemi sortof invited me to join Grief Share, and as much as I wanted to, it didn’t work out with my schedule as I have work on Saturdays. Looking forward to it :)
Blog headers? Yay, Surely. Will email you :)
tarits said,
June 12, 2007 @ 1:17 am
to rephrase Joni’s kc quote:
“When God ordains, he sustains.”
I can also relate to your situation… when necessary, I can pretty much do anything I put my mind to (except cook.) But not on the “wow!” level, just passable.
But wait a minute kapeng mainit….your talents are not mediocre…haler? i’ve heard you sing, read your blogs, watched you play the guitar/keyboard, and give hugs…and i can certify that thoe talents are on the wow level.
Sister, you are blessed. aminin mo na kasi. hehe.
pwede ba ako sumama sa coffee date? =) miss ya both.
Guitarchic Dot Net » Year 2007, Beautiful Indeed said,
January 3, 2008 @ 7:36 am
[...] I’m a Writer, Really! Writing for me sort of just happened. And I didn’t really think I excel at it, it’s just something I had to do. [...]
» Then Write a Yucky Book// chasingdreams.net said,
September 19, 2009 @ 9:24 am
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